Where do I start.

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Me in a nutshell….

I grew up in a small family of four; myself, mother, father, younger brother. I grew up in a big family of 6 uncles, 6 aunts, 4 grand parents, 2 great grandparents, 12 first cousins and so on.

I was born in a small town where I ran around the streets with no worry of cars. I moved 9 times before i was 8 years old. Then my family started to ship me off to other relatives when I became to much for my parents to handle.

My father and I never saw eye to eye and had different opinions on pretty much everything so I never got his approval for anything. 20 years later and I still have no approval and no relationship….he just sulks when I come around. My mother was the hard one to not talk to. From age 8 until 19 we called the “monster years” during these years my mom had a quick temper with words that would cut you right open. For almost all of my life I avoided my two parents…not once did they ever lay a hand on me but some days I wish they would have…it would have been easier then the yelling, slamming doors, broken frames, tears, and the permanent slice in my mind with a pain that never seems to ease. Getting out of the house was the easiest thing to do with my family, it felt more like running.

Up until I turned 15 I hated my brother. We used to bite eachother until there was blood and try to physically hurt eachother. Now he is my bestfriend and I would do anything for him. I am jealous of his relationship with my parents, he is so smart which impresses my dad and he is so kind which impresses my mom. I wish.

I had a quick get away from my family growing up. I had started horseback riding when I was 2. The get away started with once a week for an hour, then it became an obsession. Being at the barn, brushing, mucking, cleaning the saddle, braiding manes, and the ride went from being an hour and expanded into two or three hours in the saddle and a full day working around the barn. I call it home.

When I turned 5 that is when I started figuring out where I was from. My parents started sending me off to a family friend who had a massive Dairy and Potato farm on Prince Edward Island, I spent 3 summers with them. Here is where I learned that horses were not my only escape, I loved the cows. Walking into that farm on the first day of summer was probably the hardest….because of the smell. After these first 2 summers working with dairy became a life style.

Age 6 was the first time I went to Newfoundland to visit my aunt and grandparents from my dads side. After that first 2 weeks being there I missed it everyday, so much so that I started returned more frequently and for longer periods of time. The summers in p.e.i. stopped and newfoundland took over. Every school break, long weekend, summer vacation, and holiday was spent in newfoundland until university.

My first year out of highschool I went for the longest drive of my life, the trans canada highway. I started in ontario with my parents, went through the United states over to B.C. Along the way seeing yellowstone park and Old faithful in the states. From B.C. I drove over to alberta and stopped for my aunts wedding. Drove through to manitoba and stopped in flin flon (a town I lived in when I was very young) and saw an old friend. Stopped in ontario again first in schreiber to see my mothers side of the family including all my extended family, then to timmins to visit my first house and an old friend/family friends, then continued on. Stopped outside of montreal in Quebec to meet my god parents for the first time which was awesome, a little hard to talk to because I suck at speaking french. Continued on and finished in Nova scotia where I moved into my university residence.

University was a goodtime for me. I was away from my family, drunk every weekend or sometimes longer and I met some of my best friends in the whole world. After one semester I moved out of residence and moved in with my bestfriend who had a horse at the same barn as I did. Around Easter I got a call that my bestfriend from in ontario was very sick, so I packed up in a day and drove straight through back to ontario.

Around the time when I got to ontario is when I met Hippie Bitch. I am just gunna skip all that drama though as it is unimportant at this moment. After a year of doing nothing with my life I decided to go back to school. I started this blog because one of my course requirements was to write an environmental blog, then I decided to write a personal one and this is it.

Now that I have caught myself up to this exact moment, I can move on…..

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How many people have you lost in your life?

How many of those people were taken and how many chose to leave?

I seem to be having an issue with keeping people around me, they all seem to run screaming in the opposite direction. I am sick of the lies. Lies like “best friends forever” and “one true love” because nothing lasts anymore. Why sit and believe in the fairytale love or the friendships like F.R.I.E.N.D.S. / How I Met Your Mother when NOTHING LASTS.

 

In the past year I have lost a lot of important people …

Hippie Bitch- best friend (1 year) who made it her personal mission to destroy my life ; she though she was this super grounded chick who used to do a shit ton of drugs and listens to old hippie shit.

500$ cupcake- best friend (3 years) who continuously flirted with boyfriend behind my back and tried to push me into another guy so she could have my boyfriend; she spends every one of her paychecks on makeup and I think she uses about 500$ worth of makeup to hide her ugly personality every day.

Loose Goodies- best friend (5 years) who decided it was ok for her to go kiss her ex (cool whipped) when she is in a relationship but it is not ok for me to be close with my ex; the name explains itself…she is a whore.

Cool whipped- best friend (5 years) who threw a tantrum in my street and tried to yell at me loud enough to think id be scared of him….LOL ; always was whipped for Loose Goodies.

And to be honest there are multiple more but these 4 were the most important to me and I am glad I saw your real colors regardless of how long it took, cannot wait to see your lives implode while I get to move on with the right people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now you see Him, Now you don’t .

In my last post I talked about an old friend HippieBitch, but there is one I forgot to mention. I am going to name him MagicMan, for the reason that one day he will be your best friend and care so much about you, and then the next he could care less and is too busy with his new girl. MagicMan and HippieBitch dated for a couple months, actually I kind of introduced them (biggest mistake of my life), HippieBitch was an angry little dwarf when it came to MagicMan. MM and HB used to spend 24/7 together with no time for anyone else, it sucked because they were both my friends. These two broke up or had a massive fight basically every three days, a week if you were lucky. MM was protective and had a good heart but his head was no where to be found, HB had her head welded on top of her shoulders but no heart. When they broke up for the final time it was a shit show, I kept in touch with MM for a bit before we just dropped each other.

3 months after HB and I stopped talked I got ahold of MM and he had started dating a new girl, who is so irrelevant she’s Unnamed. MM and I started hanging out and we were getting along great as if we had never stopped talking, until Unnamed starting getting into his head saying that I wasn’t trustworthy and I was just going to betray him. I am not saying that I have never made a mistake because trust me I have probably made more then a lot of people combined, but who hasn’t made mistakes? and MM forgave me until she started talking. MM is important to me, but after he started ignoring me and not seeing me anymore I have given up on our friendship until he gets his head on his shoulders again.

I hope he gets back to what he was soon…..fuck you Unnamed.

Highlight.Delete. Restart.

I have come to a conclusion about friends. You don’t need million, or even 2. The ones that stick around, show up for your birthday, and are there for you when you need them for the stupidest things that make you upset are the ones that you keep.

I had a close friend, lets call her HippieBitch. I thought she was my soulmate best friend, but we had barely anything in common. She was the one that liked all black clothes, short, brunette, choker necklaces, dark makeup, and old school rock like J.Hendrix (not that I don’t appreciate some of his music). I was the colourful, tall, blonde, no jewelry, no makeup, and mostly country music (or whatever I was in the mood for). We were the perfect tumblr best friends; opposites that took cute pictures and stayed out until 4am every night. I had the biggest best friend crush on her. She was tough and cool, but i realized she was stuck and keeping me with her. I had planned to go back to my second year of university, but I met her in the summer before and I never left. After a massive fight we stopped talking to each other but that didn’t stop her from talking about me. After a week I became the “hometown whore” all because of the rumours and the secrets she told everyone that I had told her in confidence. I only knew her for a year and I invested to much into our friendship. I wanted to get an apartment with her and travel all over the country and I even tried talking to her about going to school a couple times, but she was stuck working at a children’s jewelry store and never planned on leaving. I wanted to go everywhere and experience everything.

After HippieBitch I opened my eyes to friends that have always been there, and friends I needed to let go of. I lost two good friends I had known for five years, lost a lot of people I spent everyday of the summer with, and a couple more. I realized I have one really good friend that has never left my side even when I am difficult, lets call her MercedesBabe.

You meet people like HippieBitch that ruin your trust and change everything you thought you wanted, and you meet people like MercedesBabe that get excited about you going back to school. My suggestion is, don’t worry about having a million friends cause really only one matters.